It is the holy of holy days. \u00a0It is the day we wish would never come. \u00a0It is the long night we wish we didn\u2019t have to sit through. \u00a0The light is in short supply.<\/p>\n
I sit through this darkness, and lose track of my daytime senses. \u00a0I let myself dissolve into the void. \u00a0It is the coming apart before creation. \u00a0It is the letting go of everything I know or thought I knew. \u00a0It is the absolute blindness of not knowing what may happen next, or if, really, there is anything next. \u00a0To trust in this moment is a stretch, feels scary, feels like dying. \u00a0And I choose to nestle further\u00a0into this womb space that feels like a grave which it is; both. \u00a0This is when practice is essential. \u00a0This time when I lose myself to the darkness is the exact time when all my hours of meditation, all my yearning prayers, all my striving and hoping come into a still and profound silence. \u00a0In this space may the practice meditate me, the prayers pray me, and the stillness hold this present infinity\u2026ever moving and motionless between the breath.<\/p>\n
In the middle of this darkness I choose my own undoing. \u00a0I unravel my self. \u00a0I don\u2019t need it here in the middle of this breath or the whole Universe breathing. \u00a0I need only the emptiness which is the fullness of everything. \u00a0It is here encircling me, nurturing me like the fertile soil, like the fecund sea. \u00a0I give my self into that liminal space. \u00a0The darkness is my mother. \u00a0She gently destroys all that I cling to. \u00a0She strips me and prepares me for birth, for creation. \u00a0I can\u2019t take anything with me but this soul force and so I open my\u00a0hands ready for everything I can never be prepared for. \u00a0I let go.<\/p>\n
Sit with me tonight and be undone. \u00a0Sit with me tonight and wait for the darkest of the dark to envelop us. \u00a0Sit with me through the hours stretched out seemingly endlessly. \u00a0Sit until the darkness turns, the earth turns, my heart turns. \u00a0Until the dawn, which has always come, proves herself trustworthy again. \u00a0I cannot see her from here. \u00a0The darkness is all there is. \u00a0How will you open to the darkness? \u00a0How will you wait for the turning?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It is the holy of holy days. \u00a0It is the day we wish would never come. \u00a0It is the long night we wish we didn\u2019t have to sit through. \u00a0The light is in short supply.<\/p>\n
I sit through this darkness, and lose track of my daytime senses. \u00a0I let myself dissolve into the void. \u00a0It is the coming apart before creation. \u00a0It is the letting go of everything I know or thought I knew.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":203,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-202","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-category"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/202","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=202"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/202\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":204,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/202\/revisions\/204"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/203"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=202"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=202"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=202"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}