{"id":88,"date":"2022-11-04T06:49:27","date_gmt":"2022-11-04T06:49:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/?p=88"},"modified":"2022-11-04T06:49:27","modified_gmt":"2022-11-04T06:49:27","slug":"and-the-first-shall-be-last","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/2022\/11\/04\/and-the-first-shall-be-last\/","title":{"rendered":"And the First shall be Last"},"content":{"rendered":"
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It was a family Sunday last week and the sanctuary at 9am was full of families. \u00a0My children were off for the weekend camping with their Dad and as I made my way to worship, a parent asked if I would accompany their child to worship so they could go teach our spirit play children who were gathering for class downstairs. \u00a0\u201cYes\u201d, I said. \u00a0And \u201cYes\u201d, said my heart. \u00a0This child had been in my spirit play class a few years ago and we talked about that and about how I looked very familiar to him. \u00a0We sat together and when KP told us a story about the first being last, my friend joined the crowd and afterwards made his way to class. \u00a0I sat in the warmth of community. \u00a0This is the community that I want at Unity and I had just been able to participate in it\u2019s creation. \u00a0So many layers of yes.<\/p>\n

I went downstairs myself pondering and wondering about the lesson, the second in our life cycle series. \u00a0I was curious and excited because one of our teachers had played around with the story and was presenting it creatively. \u00a0I smiled to hear that the story went well. \u00a0I listened in a different way.<\/p>\n

The moment of class that stuck with me however was the circle time at the beginning. \u00a0We always sing and greet one another and then we go around the circle to share our joys and sorrows. \u00a0The storyteller this week decided to begin in the opposite direction of our usual flow. \u00a0Right away our insightful children reminded her that we usually go the other direction. \u00a0I know one of them, at least, had picked her seat hoping to go first. \u00a0The storyteller explained that this time we would go this direction and next time we could go the other direction. \u00a0Since I had just heard KP\u2019s story, I observed this moment closely. \u00a0There was some delight on the part of the children who unexpectedly got to share first. \u00a0There was some disappointment and protest from those who thought they had secured the first spot, but ended up being the last to share.<\/p>\n

I identify with both positions. \u00a0While I hardly ever position myself hoping to be first, sometimes when I have been very excited to lead and share, I too have felt the disappointment of feeling passed over. \u00a0The practice for me when this happens is to try to stay out of my story about what it means to meet a reality different from my expectations and to trust that everything is ok, no matter when my turn comes. \u00a0This has taken some practice. \u00a0Most of the time I can hear the voice in me grumbling about how my insight was so wonderful and it wasn\u2019t honored in the way I wanted. \u00a0I hear it grumble in anger about how it isn\u2019t fair that I didn\u2019t get my way. \u00a0And I let it go. \u00a0This is easier on days where I am rested, secure and calm. \u00a0It is much harder when I\u2019m tired, hungry or cold. \u00a0It takes practice to let go. \u00a0I want to practice this skill because those voices block out my ability to listen to whoever is going first. \u00a0The grumbles remove me from the present moment. \u00a0They definitely aren\u2019t supporting me in living my life in integrity, service and joy. \u00a0And so I practice gracefully letting go so I can stay here inside what\u2019s happening and witness the life that is always emerging.<\/p>\n

While I frequently find myself going last, I occasionally find myself first in an unexpected way. \u00a0This can feel just as disorienting as its opposite. \u00a0I have sometimes felt put on the spot or unsure when I have been invited into the first place. \u00a0The practice for me when this happens is to try to stay out of my story \u00a0about what people expect of me when I\u2019m first and to trust that everything is ok, even if I\u2019m surprised. \u00a0This takes even more practice. \u00a0I far more often get swept away by these voices who push at me and tell me that I need to be quick and wise and step up. \u00a0They tell me that others are watching and listening and so this better be good. \u00a0I hear these stories and I try to let them go. \u00a0On good days I can do it, on challenging days, sometimes not. \u00a0I have learned to take a breath and take extra time when I\u2019m suddenly first. \u00a0I give myself permission to pass. \u00a0I want to let go of the voice because, again, it blocks out my ability to be present in this moment with all it\u2019s invitation and openness. \u00a0I practice gracefully letting go.<\/p>\n

I am playing with this idea lately about the relationship between the world as it is and my response to it. \u00a0I am striving for that place of non-attachment, or active indifference which finds center and opens to life unfolding as it is. \u00a0It is an attitude that attempts to remain in the present moment no matter what that moment offers. \u00a0How can I rest in being primarily and\u00a0be first or last secondly? \u00a0How can I rest in being primarily\u00a0and be present to what is surprising or unexpected? \u00a0How can I be grounded and joyful, first, last and everywhere in between? \u00a0I\u2019ll keep practicing. \u00a0When I do it gets easier and I build the trust that I am ok in every moment and it\u2019s ok to be really present here all the time.<\/p>\n<\/header>\n<\/article>\n

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It was a family Sunday last week and the sanctuary at 9am was full of families. \u00a0My children were off for the weekend camping with their Dad and as I made my way to worship, a parent asked if I would accompany their child to worship so they could go teach our spirit play children who were gathering for class downstairs. \u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":89,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-88","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-category"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=88"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":90,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88\/revisions\/90"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/89"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=88"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=88"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sarahcledwynblog.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=88"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}