Hello Underworld!

I was recently given an assignment to create a vision board of what I wanted to bring forth into life.  I love to collage and so I sat down with the idea of what I wanted to bring forth….the deepest experience of homecoming in the midst of life as it is, fun, play and vitality.  That sounded like an amazing a juicy collage.  As I sat down with my magazines and started looking for images, I felt a total block.  A friend who was also working on this asked me if I was in resistance to the assignment.  As I sat with that question, the answer that came surprised me.  No, not exactly.  What it felt like was the idea of a 30 degree day when your body is experiencing an 80 degree day in the present moment.  Cognitively you know the other one exists, but it seems a little unreal in the moment.  It made sense to me then, why I felt so blocked.  How do you put what doesn’t exist into form and image and stick it on a paper?

I spoke with the facilitator of my group about this impasse and she said perhaps I could image what it felt like right now and the bringing forth part might show itself to me in that way.  Great idea!  I sat down again and got lost in the creation of my image.  When I was done, I took a picture and spent a moment taking in the composition.  Intuitively it felt right on, AND it looked like a monster side show in the underworld which surprised me.

Here is the image:

When I looked I saw monsters, darkness and symbols of death.  So much of my life is in that letting go and surrender part of the transformation wheel right now.  As I have had time to process this image for myself a couple things stand out to me.  The first is that “hidden” in this image, the tears, teeth, eyelashes, jewelry and other dangles are all made with chrysalis.  There are over 50 chrysalis in this image.  That’s a lot of potential for new life presenting as something else for now.  The other thing that struck me is my “talent” for going deep, for facing the darkness, for pushing into truth even if it’s uncomfortable.  This has not always felt like a gift or talent for me, especially when it was an unrefined energy in my life in my teens and 20’s.  In the subsequent years, though, this practice of peering into the dark, making friends with my inner monsters, and tapping into the feelings that need to be metabolized to heal and grow has lead to great gift and new life.

It really is true that you can only hold space for others to the degree you can hold inner space for yourself and one gift I have is to go as deep as I can get within.  I am made for this way of being.  I cannot help myself.  I emerge to hold a wide space free of judgement or opinion.  I provide, in my presence and listening, a companion who holds the light of love and possibility for you to descend into yourself and make space for the treasure of your being to be accessed.

I am doing some body work in this season and my practitioner reminds me of what I deeply know.  I don’t have to do this alone.  I likely can’t do this alone.  I need another body to remind me I’m ok, that the monsters in the dark are protectors and allies who need to be seen and loved.  I need someone who isn’t scared of the dark to come with me and hold my hand.  I think we all need that at times.

We don’t all choose to descend into the dark, but sometimes life takes us there.  I encourage you to find another body to hold you and hold space for you in the dark places.  Below is a piece of writing I did to go with my collage image.  New life gestates in the dark. We can meet it there and change everything.

I am

one who looks.

I am

looking at myself,

looking for myself,

looking underground

looking from the ground.

I am hoping to see what is underneath the looking,

to make contact.

If I could see deeply enough into this image,

it might spontaneously explode into a riot of colorful butterfly wings.

It can happen you know;

centuries of repressed laughter can be freed in a moment.

One dream can permanently rearrange the molecules of being

when one is ripe for resurrection.

I believe in miracles, even stealthy ones that seem to take forever;

that burst open into possibility when I have given up

or looked away.

The seeing can happen by itself when you take your eyes off.

Every seeming monster inside,

when seen

I mean to say,

when loved (same same),

holds the treasure of possibility and beauty;

a key I need,

the most profound gift.

Death is the gateway to life.

The chrysalis is my undoing and my birth.

 

Blessings to you,

Sarah